TruthOrator's Blog

It’s possible to break free of bad habits when it comes to relationships. “Can a person really change?” This is a question I hear a lot when people are talking about struggles in their relationships. They wonder if their partner will ever start being more romantic or stop getting in such bad moods. It’s easy to dwell on that which we cannot control, but the truth is there is a lot we can. By taking charge of our half of the dynamic, we give our relationship at least a 50 percent better chance of survival. We can’t make another person change, but we can develop ourselves in ways that would encourage our partner to reciprocate. Then, if we’re still not getting what we want from the relationship, we are in a far better position to make a decision about moving on. So, how can we make changes that will actually alter and improve the dynamics of our relationship? What attachment research tells us is that real change becomes possible when we’re willi...

What makes us act and react the way we do when it comes to love? In an ideal world, we would all be born with perfectly attuned parents who love us truly and are there for us whenever we need them, but who also give us just the right amount of space and independence to flourish and fully develop our unique selves.  Parents would provide a solid base from which we could venture out as separate individuals. They’d make us feel safe, seen and soothed… and therefore, secure. While this all sounds great, Dr. Ed Tronick, an Associate Professor of Pediatrics at Harvard University, has found in his research that even the best parents, the ones who form secure relationships with their kids, only get it right about 30 percent of the time. For pretty much everyone, relationships with our early caretakers are complex and likely include some frustration and pain. Yet, whether we grew up with a secure or insecure attachment pattern, one thing is for sure, our present relationships are heavi...

Ideal partener, relationship partnerLearn the qualities that make a person an ideal partner – They may not be what you expected. While the reasons we fall in love are often a mystery, the reasons we stay in love are far less elusive. There may be no such thing as the perfect partner, but an ideal partner can be found in someone who has developed themselves in certain ways that go beyond looks, charms and success. Although we each seek out a specific set of qualities that is uniquely meaningful to us alone, there are certain psychological characteristics both you and your partner can strive for that make the relationship much more likely for lasting success. 1. An ideal partner has grown up. One common criticism people make about their partners is that they need to “grow up.” What many of us fail to recognize is that growing up is not merely a matter of acting like an adult. To truly grow up means recognizing and resolving early childhood traumas or losses, and then understandi...

The first question that merits an answer is what makes an individual smart. Is it the abundance of facts that one can memorize? Is it the above average, or exceptional, IQ?  Perhaps, it is the wisdom to make a sound decision at the crucial moment, or knowing how to make the best out of the bad situation. Maybe it is the ability to take as many aspects as possible into consideration before deciding on the future course of action. It is probably a good combination of all the previously mentioned traits. Of course, if someone is smart and successful, it is hard to pinpoint what exactly is responsible for that person’s success and wellbeing. Truth be told, it is far easier to notice what these smart people don’t do, and arrive to a conclusion as to what is to be avoided. As long as we circumvent these negative things, the rest will come naturally. 1. They don’t overlook the possibility to save money Prudence is a virtue, not to be mistaken with greed or stinginess. Being ...

We men sometimes get a bad rap. The stereotypical “man” doesn’t do any of the following. However, the only men who are actually like this are created by writers as sitcom fodder (hopefully). In truth, when a man finds the person he knows he’ll be spending the rest of his life with, he’ll certainly work his hardest to keep them by his side at all times. If you have a man that adheres to the following, you know he’s a keeper for life. 1. He’s fully committed to you and your relationship together. Being there throughout the good times is easy. It’s when the going gets tough that it’s important that you both stick together. Real men don’t run out after a little fight, and they don’t take it out on their significant others when they’re in a bad mood. They understand how important their relationship is, and won’t let anything at all get in the way of persevering. 2. He doesn’t avoid problems. Like I said, a real man doesn’t run out when things get rough. And he also doesn’t bott...

Investing in yourself may be the most profitable investment you ever make. It yields not only future returns, but often a current pay-off as well. The surest way to achieve a better quality life, to be successful, productive, and satisfied is to place a priority on investing in both personal and professional growth. The effort you put into consistently investing in yourself plays a large role in determining the quality of your life now and in the future. Investment options 1. Develop your skills Improving your skills doesn’t always mean investing in higher education, though that’s surely an option, and perhaps a necessary one depending upon your career field. Investing in your knowledge and skills can take many forms. In addition, expanding your level of knowledge and skill isn’t limited to the business arena and doesn’t necessarily need to be formal. There are many “skill investment” avenues.     Advance your education –  extra classes, advanced degre...

Where do you find it? In the mundane and unexpected things? The fulfillment of great expectations (whatever it means to you) or the 'eureka! 'moments you've hinged all your sweat and energy on? Well, for me, happiness has been relishing on memories of mundane things... Things so ordinary that they can pass for nothing yet remarkable. I'll share... For the memories, helped out an old  lady push her wheelbarrow to her compound , the unexpected toothless smile and her subsequent prayer for me, asking God to bless me with a man with 'big money' that will take me to 'obodo oyibo' had me chuckle home. Or once, when I decided to hitch a ride with our youngest sibling eating doughnut and 'pure water'  and any time a car whizzed by, we hid our faces behind a big brown manila envelope; laughing into it because we didn't want anyone to see us eating along the road. Or as someone who likes travelling, I would gently recline on my seat and smile ...

Think about the concept of happiness—something we all strive to be every day. A concept that sometimes feels unattainable, yet we fantasize about when this emotion will fill our souls and consume our bodies. We are waiting for that fleeting moment where we can just sit back, take a deep breath, and finally say the three words we so desperately want to feel every moment of every day—“I am happy.” But think about your self-growth. Think about the periods of time that led you to be your most genuine self. What state of mind were you in that caused you to become someone that you are proud of? The truth of the matter is, we don’t improve and grow as human beings during the moments that we are happy—we grow from the obstacles we face during the journey of life. So what was I feeling when my blinders came off and I realized the kind of person I wanted to be? In that moment I experienced disturbing emotions—I experienced anger, fear, loneliness, and resentment. I felt lost and becam...

Happy. It’s probably one of the first words that we ever learned to express our emotions. Happy might mean a world of different things to each of us, but I’m pretty sure your 4 your old self was feeling similar things to mine when we used the word to say we enjoyed the birthday party we’d just attended. I seem to see the word everywhere I go, whether it’s plastered across tube adverts for a new dating site or a question from an energy company regarding my current electricity provider. It is a state of being that is barked at us from all angles by those promoting a lifestyle of high self esteem, a thrilling sex life or a new detox juice recipe. But what even is it? What is this elusive notion that someone once named ‘happiness’? My very wise dad once told me that the way that we truly become happy is by finding enjoyment in everything we do, even life’s most mundane tasks. Things like enjoying the journey to work can mean happiness, or the satisfaction that comes with paying ...

While I love writing and talking about all of the benefits of financial independence and financial progress, I’ll be the first to admit that the path is difficult. Although the ideas behind personal finance are easy, actually putting them into practice is incredibly hard. That’s why more than three quarters of Americans live paycheck to paycheck and only a tiny sliver of Americans manage to accumulate enough wealth to be able to retire in comfort, let alone retire early. The concepts are easy. Actually making it happen? It’s very hard. Why is it hard, though? Why do so many people dream about and plan for financial success, but so many people fall short along that path? Having spent almost an entire decade turning around our disastrous financial situation and then moving along the road to financial independence while writing and learning about personal finance all along the way, I’ve found that there are five big reasons why people find it hard to find financi...

For me, and for a lot of other people, shopping can be a very impulsive exercise. When something you want is on your radar, you’re often pulled very strongly toward making that purchase. Your mind comes up with tons of reasons why it makes sense and, beyond those reasons, there’s still a strong nameless desire to acquire the item. Perhaps the best financial move I’ve ever made in my life is to get that sense of impulse under control. That’s not to say that occasional spontaneity is bad – it’s not and it can be quite fun – but that routine impulsiveness with one’s money leads directly to financial ruin. So, how did I get this sense of impulsiveness when it comes to money under control? For me, the most useful strategy was to mentally adopt a routine where I strongly question every single purchase that I make. If I’m considering spending money on something that isn’t very clearly a need (like very basic food staples) or an alre...